***
Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what I just said.
When did you first notice this problem?
What problem?
***
Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Sam: good, because i didn't do my homework.
***
Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
Take your foot off his head.
***
An old lady's husband had just died and she felt their was no reason to live
anymore. She called the doctor and asked exactly where her heart was. He told
her it should be under her left breast.
That night she went to the emergency room with a shot in the knee.
***
What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair brunette?
Artificial intelligence.
***
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.
***
Q. how do you get four old ladies to shout "f***"?
A. get a fifth old lady to shout "bingo!"
***
Q: What's the difference between Alex Ferguson and God?
A: God doesn't think he's Alex Ferguson.
***
A lady goes into a bar with her goose. Then the bartender comes up to her and
says, ''Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?''
Then the lady answered, ''Excuse me, I think this is a goose.''
And the bartender says, ''Excuse me, I was talking to the goose.''
***
Fred: My brother wants to work badly.
Harry: As I remember, he usually does.
